I didn't realize until I gave birth how wonderful and truly miraculous it is. it's impossible to know the love and splendor of it until you go through it yourself. Before delivering, I thought privacy and confidentiality were most appropriate for my situation. However, after feeling my incredibly intense love for my child love that only a mother knows, I couldn't help but want to tell my experience in hopes of spreading good and benefiting others who find themselves in a similar situation. Sharing with my friends seems to be the best starting point.

Initially, when I found out I was pregnant, I was devastated. I found myself in the situation that girls fear. However, I knew there was no sense in banging my head against a wall saying, would have, could have, should have." I saw the necessity to move forward because life wasn't about me anymore; it was about a brand new person.

My relationship with God, my Catholicism, and my respect for life led me to my decision to choose adoption. Fortunately, my parents and boyfriend felt the same way.

My boyfriend and I realized that our child's well being and best interest was what was most important   not the romance of conceiving a child. Despite the fact that we have been boyfriend/girlfriend for four years and love each other very much we knew we were not prepared to parent, financially or emotionally. Still, we wanted to give our son the very best, even if it wasn't us.

We approached St. Elizabeth's Foundation. Offering counseling sessions, sincere warmth and kindness, never-ending support and factual information that eased the mind, St. Elizabeth's guided us through the adoption process. Our criterion for a family was that they be practicing Catholics. Based on that, we were given letters and profiles from three different couples. Individually, and on separate occasions, my parents, my boyfriend and I unanimously chose the same family. Throughout my pregnancy, I received letters and pictures from the adoptive parents. With each correspondence,my confidence and faith in them and in our decision grew stronger.

Another choice I made was to keep this matter solely among my parents, my boyfriends and me. I wanted something so personal to remain private. I also felt I needed to be removed from outside forces in order to pray, contemplate, and reflect. The solitude fostered my growth and helped me develop the courage I needed to follow through with adoption. In fact, it was the difficulty and pain of seclusion that shaped me and prepared me for the sacrifice.

Throughout my pregnancy, I wrote. It was a tremendous source of comfort for me. I also knew that one day I might want to share my thoughts to help someone else. Looking back on my writings, it's clear an evolution took place. When I began my journey, I saw myself as only a vessel. I was afraid to think of myself as a mother for fear of developing an emotional attachment, wanting to keep him for myself, failing to give him the best, and possibly risking his future. I turned to Kahil Gribran's The Prophet for strength.

Gibran writes, "Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you. And though they are with you yet they belong not to you." At that point, my inspiration for adoption was that I was acting as God's vessel to deliver a child to a couple unable to conceive.

While I still consider myself to have acted as a vessel, now after experiencing birth: my inspiration for giving my child the very best, though it means a life apart from me, is my love for him. As I said in my introduction this is the kind of love only a mother knows.

My mom has always said, "You don't know love's full potential until you know love for your child." This is so true because though I acted as a mother, in form, for only the short two hours I held him, l felt the power of love's full potential. It gave me the strength to make this sacrifice.

In his brand new life, my child has already achieved greatness. He has given me a most cherished gift- he has taught me reverence for life. Through this sacred lesson, I have learned a more Christ-like my to live, my faith has deepened, and my relationships with those closest to me have been enriched. My brief time with my son was awe-inspiring.

Words can't describe how blessed and privileged I feel not only to be the vessel through which he took his first breaths of life but to be his mother.